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Apocalypse Deux

The Plural of Apocalypse </br> Part Deux: A Day in the Life of: featuring: the Amy Winehouse C-Store Extravaganza!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

A Day in the Life of: featuring: the Amy Winehouse C-Store Extravaganza!

A Note to the one reader we have left: We promise in this new year of 2008 that we will get back to business around here. We will do this right after the novelty of Pollination Technician #9 of the Sims2 wears off, or Nelle Stupid-Crotch is found or the writers strike ends so we don't feel guilty writing, or the 5th unknown cylon is returned (Ron Moore, we are watching you). We will return to our rightful place as 2 bitches who make fun of the stupidity of others, only we will do it with fewer Lord of the Rings jokes, cos looking back, we really seem to be obsessed with LoTR jokes, and honestly it's not like we dig hobbits or any of that crap. Until then, enjoy this little very special new feature of PoA p.Deux. We like to call it: A Day in the Life of... which will be featurettes of people with whom we'd like to spend a day, in their life with. Our first edition is Amy Winehouse, cos if anyone is fucked up, its definately her!

Last night Khrysten and I were thinking about a world, a world where Bai Ling and Amy Winehouse were from another planet (we firmly believe Amy's from a moon though), and that maybe they were sent here to save humanity all Heroes style. This is what happens when there is a writer's strike, thus no new TV for us to consume. We come up with crazy shit.


So I was thinking, what does Amy Winehouse do in a day?  I suspect she has a penchant for Snapple and really just wants to find her childhood binkie to cuddle with. I mean, you've all seen the photos of what a mess she is, but is there method to her madness? I think there may be. So here it is, my photo essay, A Day in the Life of Amy Winehouse (all photos used without permission, sorry, but it's not like I'm profiting):


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Leave flat during daylight hours to show one is not a vampire.



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Realize something just fell out of your hair.


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Stop at the shops to pick up a newspaper, in ballet shoes.


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Steal some gummy worms while you're at it.


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Enjoy the fruits of your shoplifting.


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Promptly fall off of elevator, only to be saved by puffy jacket (Not Puff Daddy).


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Head to the Sporting Goods store to purchase fishing lures to snare things living in hair.


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Make sure you have an ornate cage with to hold snared creatures before they can be released back into the wild.


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Everybody loves a slushie, especially when its 90% Vodka! It's 5 O'Clock somewhere, and when the alcohol alien inside of her starts getting restless she must submit to it's needs!


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Pray to the God of Hair-dos that the alien inside of you will be quenched! Beg for his forgiveness!


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"What do you mean there is no Snapple? What the bloody hell is wrong with you wankers??" (Deciphered from unintelligible mumbles)


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Night time is the right time to do laundry (and search for your binkie).


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Eat a candy bar, and caress a bottle of wine like a little bitty tasty tasty alien feeding baby.


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Rejoice that there are apparently no open container laws in England!


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Cry.


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Cry because you freed the creatures in your hair and now all you have left is the liquor alien inside of you and the God of Hair-dos who seemingly has abandoned you. "Why oh cruel world? WHY??" (another deciphered Winehouse speech)


Note: Amy Winehouse seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in convienence stores and is often photographed with her mouth agape. I have to think she is a mouth breather (prolly cos the cocaine alien inside of her is just as hungry as the alcohol one).

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

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