Imaginary Complaints Department

The other night IV and myself were having a conversation about her Swanson's Chicken Pot Pie. She commented that it tasted like a turkey pot pie and that she felt deceived. I told her to call Swanson's. This is the conversation as I imagine it:

(after 20 mintues of pushing buttons to find an actual living human)
Operator: Thank you for calling Swanson's how may I help you?

IV: There's something wrong with my chicken pot pie.

Operator: What is it?

IV: It tastes like a turkey pot pie. I think this turkey pot pie is mascarading about as a chicken pot pie.

O: Ma'am I'm sure it's a chicken pot pie.

IV: You don't understand I eat a lot of pot pies. I am a connoisseur of pot pie. This is turkey.

O: If it says chicken on the box, it's chicken.

IV: Hold on a Sec. (Yelling off the phone: NO KITTY THAT'S MY POT PIE) Sorry about that, damn cat is pot pie crazy.

O: (laughing) I'm sure.

IV: Are you being condecending? Are you mocking me? I called you cos I was concerned that there may have been a factory mix-up or something, because clearly I am eating a turkey pot pie. I thought maybe you'd offer to send me coupons for my trouble, as I was not intending to consume a turkey pot pie, and as a thanks for bringing this to your attention. Instead you mock me.

O: I'm not mocking you ma'am.

IV: Whatever. If this happens again I am so calling your headquarters. You better watch out. Others will catch on that you are scrimping on the chicken pot pies and selling turkey pot pies in chicken pot pie boxes. People will not stand for this. I might start a website about this!

O: Okay ma'am. Thank you for calling Swanson's.

IV: Bite me. (hangs up)

Don't remember where I got this from, but I'm sure Google Images is to blame. Also since when does Godzilla eat Reese's Pieces I thought that was strictly ET's favorite snack, now it's also in with Godzilla. Reese's Pieces: Loved by monsters everywhere!

In other news it was brought to my attention that the Reese's Pieces Yellow pieces contain Red Dye. I was trying to wrap my brain around this, but still I cannot make heads or tails of it.

Dear Reese's,

I am concerned that your yellow, brown and orange Reese's Pieces contain red dye. The brown and orange do not surprise me, because orange is a mix of red and yellow, and brown a mix of orange and green. What did surprise me was that the yellow contains red.

Below is an image of the primary colors and what they create. This image is courtesy of NASA, who knows their colors unlike you.

Image from NASA, I shit you not, NASA has the color wheel on their website. Crazy ain't it?

As is clearly displayed on this wheel there is no way that red can make yellow. It's an impossibility as red and yellow are primary colors and with the help of their friend blue create all other colors. As a young child in elementary school art classes I remember being educated on the color wheel. Yellow was never made of red.

So now I implore you to explain this red dye in yellow candy phenomenon. Was it to make the candy more of a goldenrod shade of yellow instead of the harsh yellow those M & M's freak use? Please, tell me, cos I can't eat your candy until you do. I fear these yellow mutant 'made of red' candies might cause my unborn offspring to produce gills.

Sincerely, BEG