The Plural of Apocalypse Part Deux

A Day in the Life of: featuring: the Amy Winehouse C-Store Extravaganza!

2008-01-02T14:07:00.000-06:00

A Note to the one reader we have left: We promise in this new year of 2008 that we will get back to business around here. We will do this right after the novelty of Pollination Technician #9 of the Sims2 wears off, or Nelle Stupid-Crotch is found or the writers strike ends so we don't feel guilty writing, or the 5th unknown cylon is returned (Ron Moore, we are watching you). We will return to our rightful place as 2 bitches who make fun of the stupidity of others, only we will do it with fewer Lord of the Rings jokes, cos looking back, we really seem to be obsessed with LoTR jokes, and honestly it's not like we dig hobbits or any of that crap. Until then, enjoy this little very special new feature of PoA p.Deux. We like to call it: A Day in the Life of... which will be featurettes of people with whom we'd like to spend a day, in their life with. Our first edition is Amy Winehouse, cos if anyone is fucked up, its definately her!

Last night Khrysten and I were thinking about a world, a world where Bai Ling and Amy Winehouse were from another planet (we firmly believe Amy's from a moon though), and that maybe they were sent here to save humanity all Heroes style. This is what happens when there is a writer's strike, thus no new TV for us to consume. We come up with crazy shit.

So I was thinking, what does Amy Winehouse do in a day? I suspect she has a penchant for Snapple and really just wants to find her childhood binkie to cuddle with. I mean, you've all seen the photos of what a mess she is, but is there method to her madness? I think there may be. So here it is, my photo essay, A Day in the Life of Amy Winehouse (all photos used without permission, sorry, but it's not like I'm profiting):

Leave flat during daylight hours to show one is not a vampire.

Realize something just fell out of your hair.

Stop at the shops to pick up a newspaper, in ballet shoes.

Steal some gummy worms while you're at it.

Enjoy the fruits of your shoplifting.

Promptly fall off of elevator, only to be saved by puffy jacket (Not Puff Daddy).

Head to the Sporting Goods store to purchase fishing lures to snare things living in hair.

Make sure you have an ornate cage with to hold snared creatures before they can be released back into the wild.

Everybody loves a slushie, especially when its 90% Vodka! It's 5 O'Clock somewhere, and when the alcohol alien inside of her starts getting restless she must submit to it's needs!

Pray to the God of Hair-dos that the alien inside of you will be quenched! Beg for his forgiveness!

"What do you mean there is no Snapple? What the bloody hell is wrong with you wankers??" (Deciphered from unintelligible mumbles)

Night time is the right time to do laundry (and search for your binkie).

Eat a candy bar, and caress a bottle of wine like a little bitty tasty tasty alien feeding baby.

Rejoice that there are apparently no open container laws in England!

Cry.

Cry because you freed the creatures in your hair and now all you have left is the liquor alien inside of you and the God of Hair-dos who seemingly has abandoned you. "Why oh cruel world? WHY??" (another deciphered Winehouse speech)

Note: Amy Winehouse seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in convienence stores and is often photographed with her mouth agape. I have to think she is a mouth breather (prolly cos the cocaine alien inside of her is just as hungry as the alcohol one).

Gee-Wiz!

2006-04-28T10:45:00.000-05:00

All images received as a result of typing 'Gee' into the Google Image Search bar. Don't sue us, we have nothing, honestly. If we had something do you think we'd be wasting our time doing this shit? Besides it's your fault if you put these stupid pics online for everyone to see.

IV: For months Gene and his friends had struggled to get the stump out of the ground. Gene had finally snapped.

BEG: When the Black Panthers sent Eddie to meet the young Ted Kazinski, the only report Eddie brought back was "He is one crazy motherfucking white guy."

IV: When ya live in the hills you learn all about substitution.

BEG: When "Coke Bottle Glasses" just aren't enough.

IV: The company often times gave group eye exams because it also gave them a chance to weed out the workers with inferior intelligence.

BEG: "Arrgg we're crazy pirates. Bring us Peter Sarrrsssgarrrddd"

IV: "It's an open bar!"

BEG: What real Wedding Crashers look like.

IV: All Ben hoped for was a soft landing, but if Carl's calculations were correct and he did fly through time, he hoped there were a lot of big breasted women waiting for him.

BEG: "Ben look out for that..." Carl decided to just shut up, watching Ben hit the tree would be far more entertaining than watching him try to avoid it.

IV: Stu loved it when his arch-nemesis Mr. Henderson fell on his ass and he wasn't afraid to show it!

BEG: "When I was your age penises were only this big, now they're all large and showy. We didn't need a showy penis in my day!"

IV: The wedding photographer was beginning to think the hall was haunted, but he still wanted to get paid, so for now, there were no ghosts, just people dancing too fast for the film. The rest of the details could be worked out later.

BEG: My Super Sweet 16's really shitty photographs.

IV: Having spent their true youth comatose with too much Ritalin, the support group now struggled to regain some of the fun!

BEG: The first competition at the Barf-olymics was the spin test. The last one heaving was the gold medalist.

IV: Tyler couldn't stand the idea of one more flash!

BEG: "Shit, I think I just shit!"

IV: Paolo had come to America to learn a trade, and now that he had learned some skillz he could return to his home country, proudly.

BEG: Paolo's baby smuggling operation was complex. It involved a surf board, a hatchback, and his uncanny ability to balance babies on one hand.

IV: Claire was determined to finish her knitting project entirely inside her head. The pinnacle of her work would be when she finally sneezed out the scarf!

BEG: Claire had been attempting the ever popular 'chopstick walrus' look when her hands slipped and she created an entirely new species of chopstick-human-animal hybrid.

IV: Everyone told Harry that it was bad for him to drink alone, but he was sure that it was ok since he always put his wig and boa on first.

BEG: Harry was worried that since Katrina took out New Orleans that Mardis Gras would be dead. So he decided that every day, after work, he would create his own private mardi gras!

Good Golly Miss Molly!

2006-04-12T10:45:00.000-05:00

We are lately lagging. This is mostly because no one shows us the love by leaving comments. When they do we're all 'OOO we need to get crackin!' but when we don't it's more like: 'OOO bring me more Battlestar Galactica' And while the sexual tension between Starbuck and Apollo may be palpable, we really should be posting on here. Oh won't you inspire us?

All images received as a result of typing 'Golly' into the Google Image Search bar. Blah! Blah! Blah!

IV: Frank wanted a nice quiet picnic in the park all by himself, enjoying his surroundings. He hoped his costume would keep the others at a safe distance.

BEG: When Role Playing Games and hunting collide...

IV: Scott waited patiently for his turn to look in the hole...

BEG: It was true, Scott's buddy Vince had in fact dug a hole all the way to China.

IV: With the last of the money having been spent on the table, Polly and George struggled to work in the office with no walls.

BEG: George had always hoped to be wandering the desert and then find a beautiful artist. He found Polly. Polly's body was found 3 days later and had been feasted upon by coyotes.

IV: He's only #1 cause everyone else already died.

BEG: Makes you wonder what's under the granny-panty Speedo doesn't it?

IV: Jimmy loved to spend time with his mother, but she had always wanted a girl and wasn't afraid of what making him participate in her knitting club would do to him.

BEG: Jimmy's mom didn't think Child-Labor laws applied to her home business: Knit Goods by Kelly. So she put the boy to work.

IV: There was a reason all the others in the group stopped.

BEG: We now draw your attention to: Cliff Diving for the Vertically Terrified

IV: Mmmm...frog butt!

BEG: Some nights, Fido just liked to curl up on the couch with a comfy blanket, and eat the ass out of his frog toy. It was nights like this that reminded Fido just how good it really is to be a dog.

IV: Tim and his friends had no idea what the rock looked like, being so close to it and all, but they could hear Paul laughing hysterically.

BEG: Look it's the Gay Tours trip to Arizona! They promised exciting sights, and does it really gt more exciting than this? Huh boys?

GOSH!!!

2006-03-31T10:45:00.000-06:00

This 'Fun With Google' image search was inspired by that lovable lame boy, Napolean Dynamite and his affinity for the word GOSH!

All images received as a result of typing 'Gosh' into the Google Image Search bar. Enter usual disclaimer crap here __________________________________________. Or sing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' and pretend you know nothing about any pictures...you never even saw them and you've never even heard of us! Who are we again?

IV: Jeff had begun to feel inferior twenty miles ago. Now he just wanted to drive his car off the bridge and end it all!

BEG: See guys? Sometimes it can be too big!

IV: The bar owner had gone to a dinner theater a couple weeks ago and thought the concept might work for just drinks. So far though, it'd only made the crowd grumble and chant for liquor.

BEG: Welcome to the first show performed by the Pussycat Dolls of Fargo North Dakota.

IV: Insert bad 3-Men joke here...

BEG: The people who inspired M. Night Shaymalan's "The Village" were a quiet folk, who apprently couldn't decide on an ethnicity or time frame for their costumes.

IV: "Yes, I think this giraffe is dead."

BEG: Note to these boys: The giraffe's heart is not in it's neck. Your insistence on calling the time of death on the giraffe was premature, considering his heart is near his left left on his chest.

IV: Wherever Jenny went, there were always three other girls ready to pop out from behind her and yell, "Surprise!"

BEG: I think it's not an incorrect assumption to think that these 4 girls are not 'Mathematicians' but may in fact be a modern version of the Four Headed Hydra.

IV: (Is that Harold?) Kahn knew that switching the news sheets would lead to chaos when Ling started speaking and Ling was already struggling with the news that giant spiders had attacked their city.

BEG: Oh My God! Kenny did you see this? Mothra is preparing to pick up the nuclear reactor and toss it around like a chew toy! What will we do?? Who will save us?? Call Gammaron!!

IV: When Kelly had suggested they climb the mountain, there hadn't really been any planning for how they would get back down.

BEG: The American who went up a mountain and came down with pissed pants.

IV: "Just give me a minute to take my face off."

BEG: After the whole Batman debacle the Joker turned to transvestitism as a cunning disguise.

IV: Shelly's girl-scout troupe had a surprise for everyone...a cheery re-enactment of the Titanic's sinking, complete with a musical number!

BEG: What life would be like if the living pictures at Hogwarts were real, only with much tinier frames.

IV: "You can't have a party without balloons! That's all I'm sayin'!"

BEG: "Craig after I cracked my back on that ball thing I totally had a flashback and saw Janis Joplin climb out of your shirt. I'm not even shitting you! Pilates is awesome!" Jim decided to always wear tie-dyed shirts for his pilates class if for nothing more than entertainment.

IV: "I'm all right!", Katie kept forgetting the gravity was different in the kitchen.

BEG: Katie, unlike Jim, did not think pilates was awesome. Perhaps she just needed a tie-dyed shirt.

IV: Matt didn't know how they could go on with their Saturday afternoon re-enactments of 'The Fellowship of the Ring' if Matt kept losing his pointy ears in the parking lot.

BEG: When the indie band "Gorilla's With Nun Habits and Monk Fetishes" lost their tour van for the 5th time at the Home Depot the lead singer Fisher decided that they should just walk to all their gigs to be even more indie than all those other pussy ass indie bands that need vans. Sadly all 4 members of Gorillas with Nun Habits and Monk Fetishes were abducted by aliens outside of Bismark North Dakota.

IV: Mary had only just started to notive that she and Pete were the only ones in the whole restuarant...even the waitstaff had disappeared. For a moment she wondered if there was a problem, but she gave up because the bread was just so good!

BEG: When the owners of The Italian Maple Leaf were designing their restaurant they decided to mesh classic Italian restaurant design with a log cabin feel. While it looked nice, no one would come in to eat pizza covered in maple syrup.

Our Renter feels neglected, go see them now! Please??? Pretty Please????

Out - Pt. 2

2006-03-28T10:45:00.000-06:00

Check out our new renter: Sam's Blog! Why? Because he's funny and wierd, and has a theory about Dalmations taking over the world!! Go now!!

All images recieved as a result of typing 'Out' into the Google Image Search bar. Standard Disclaimer: We are only making fun, and if people were smart enough to mark on their photos who took them and where they belong they have been credited. This is for mockery and fun, not profits. Although if you want to make us rich and famous because of this, please feel free...
IV: When Jenna had gone outside to eat her sunflower seeds on this bright sunny day, she had never imagined being mistaken for a smoker...

BEG: Remember when Joe Camel was a bad influence and made kids wanna smoke? I gotta say blow-up cigarettes with constipated faces and a single steroid enhanced arm isn't the way to dissuade future smokers of America. Accosting possible future smokers of America with such propeganda will only backfire.

IV: "Friggin' Randy from the copy-room! Can't he ever hang on to anything?"

BEG: For the 10th year in a row the McNally Office Supply Intermural Soccer Team had lost. Mostly this was because no one told them they couldn't pick up the ball and throw it.

IV: "Damn Cliff! You're wife is hot!"

BEG: Jameson's quest for extraterrestrial life had taken him to the Chippewa Creek Boy Scout Camp. Here he met no aliens, but did get to see a really fat guy.

IV: Everybody was kung fu fighting...except for Jeff...He was counting the number of people who had stinky feet.

BEG: Jeff was mastering a little known form of Ju-Jitsu called Jeff-Napsoon.

IV: Now we take the time to observe furniture...in its natural habitat...

BEG: "So Grandma, people actually sat on this stuff? Where's the computer? Where's the Playstation? What did these people do for fun!?!?!"

IV: For many people, a spa-day meant rest and relaxation...for Joe, it meant rockin' out and the devil's work!

BEG: For Joe, there was nothing quite like the victoy of beating Syphillus for the 5th time, that is if we don't count rocking out.

IV: When good people go batty...

BEG: "I wanna be an airborne Ranger..."

IV: Al knew better than to argue with what Steve says really happened on the Squash court.

BEG: What happens on the Squash Court, stays on the Squash Court, including Jazz Hands and Spirit Fingers. {BTW: Is anyone just a little disturbed that there is an entire website dedicated to Squach pics?}

IV: Future olympic gymnastics hopeful starting from the very beginning...

BEG: Little Karly did eventually learn how to walk on her feet after years of walking on her hands, but how a child that size had such upper body strength at such a young age would always remain a mystery.

IV: "I told Gregg this parking lot had a mind of its own and that it didn't want his shitbox parked in it!"

BEG: How to park in Wausau: Over shoot parking space, park halfway on rock wall, go to Wal-Mart.

IV: Pedro's villiage was far too poor for skateboards, but someday, there would be a sponsor and a skateboard for everyone...and he would know all the moves!

BEG: While the common skateboard generally has the sense they were born with, rollerbladers do not. Here we observe Pedro attempting to slide down the side of a staircase. Sadly Pedro did not understand that this trick only really works with railings. Pedro did not realize this until the 15th step and falling for the 15th time.

IV: "Funnel cakes are made of people!"

BEG: Do not throw the funnel cake into a clearly marked Wooden Shoe Recepticle. That box is made for clogs not cakes!!!

...And We're Comin' Back Out - Pt.1

2006-03-21T10:45:00.000-06:00

All images received as a result of typing 'Out' into the Google Image Search bar.

Go visit our renter now, NOW! He paid good credits to be here with you today! Plus there is ass on his site!

IV: Life had been sort of a whirlwind adventure since three young girls met a trick-playing witch in the deep, dark forest...

BEG: Phil the giant soft drink had always wanted to be apart of the In-n-Out family, he now saw his way in!

IV: Life still goes on...even when the hairband your stalking tosses you and your friends out of the limo...

BEG: One sparkly sequin dress: $650. One frizziriffic perm at the Cost Cutters: $45. One pants suit with only one arm: $150. Reliving those hairband fantasies = Priceless.

IV: Although, Karen had been told time and time again that her legal blindness since birth would prevent her from ever finishing the marathon, she had finally made it to the finish line...only two years and a half years late and forty pounds lighter.

BEG: Mark had been practicing for this race his whole life. He was excited to get going, that was before the star-gun shot him in the face.

IV: "Yeah, that's what I used to look like."

BEG: "No man, I am a freedom fighter just like my man Che` here on my arm.Only the freedom I fight for is the right to wear 2 carat diamonds in my ears!"

IV: Scott had nearly made it to his bed...if only he had had just one more cup of coffee...

BEG: Scott's debilitating narcolepsy was one thing, being mocked by the cat was entirely another.

IV: YARD SALE!!!

BEG: Mark's narcolepsy was one thing, being asleep so long he grew that facial hair is entirely another.

IV: "The fire is out, but we lost the toast."

BEG: "I'm afraid we lost another one to Di-tech, and so we torched the place."

IV: Self excorcism gone terrbily wrong!

BEG: Scotty feared the ancient waters of the well, especially after seeing The Ring, but he promised he would make it through!

IV: The day-campers rejoiced in the fact that today was the day they would be taking back Lake Runamok from the alligators...little did they know, the alligators had their own moment of celebration to see to...

BEG: In the late 90's they attempted to re-make Pirahna the movie with younger children. The parent's association didn't approve of youngsters with water noodles getting eaten alive. This is the only remaining cell from the film.

IV: Sean knew that surfing in the midwest was nearly impossible, but his dad had always told him to never fear trying new things.

BEG: The Lake Michigan Surfing Club hadn't had many members, but the one they did have had enough heart for the whole lake!

IV: When the crew told the producers of their brilliant plan to make a documentary about roads, they sort of left out the fact that that was all they would be filming.

BEG: Your tax dollars hard at work...

IV: Being the summer camp director's daughter in a post divorce settlement environment was hard enough, but Jill knew that she could never tell the other campers about her mother's plan to make belts from all their snake friends in the fall just to spite her father.

BEG: In the early 00's they attempted to remake Anaconda, only to set it in a day camp this time and have the movie be a journey of parent seeking child. The parent's association didn't like this anymore than Pirahna, and it was eventually scrapped. This is the only footage remaining, in it we see young Sarah man-handling the anaconda's young!

We're Goin' In...

2006-03-17T10:45:00.000-06:00

This post has been sitting in our drafts folder for a while, all because we were waiting for an appropriate renter. Someone who is as interesting or demented as us, and we found him! We now present as our renter: Rocky Jay: A Series of Unfortunate Events. Recently he learned just how pussy whipped he is, and bought her Jimmy Choo shoes, which any girl can get behind. Speaking of behinds, he also has an ass gallery. I know, kinda wierd, but somehow he has evaded the dreaded 'Profanity' label (which there is no fucking way we will ever get rid of) on his blog at Blogexplosion. This is wonderous. Go check out this enigma of blog.

All images received as a result of typing 'In' into the Google Image Search bar. You know the routine, this is for fun not money. Blah Blah Blah

IV: Although it was a great honor to be the one boy chosen from his team to teach President Bush to hold the cricket bat properly, Juan-Pedro had no hope for the man learning anything.

BEG: After failing with a baseball team, George decided to give a whack at cricket. Not wanting their club to be destroyed the Banglapoor Bandits explained to him there was in fact no oil under the playing field.

IV: Apparently you can teach an old reaper new tricks...

BEG: At Smith, Wessler and Charlemange the saying 'Getting the Axe' had been replaced by 'Getting the Scythe.' No one wanted to get a pink slip from them.

IV: Mike wanted to touch the microscope, but the girls had given him such a good argument against it...by way of their own stunning rendition of 'Anything You Can Do, I can Do Better'! Not even his mad break-dancing skillz could top that.

BEG: Mike was pretending to be interested in the microscope, but what Mike discovered was that if you looked just right, the mirror under the slide reflected Marcy's bikini covered boobs. This was going to be the best Science Geek Camp yet!

IV: "This fish really stinks. Can I put it down yet?"

BEG: "Yo dawg, you down wit da fishes? You wanna get down wit da fishes? I can show you how to get down wit da fishes. Cos all the ladies love da fishes."IV: With every clean, new snowfall, Mandy made her transformation from mild-mannered seventh grader to full-on yeti.

BEG: This is what happens when Fame is filmed in Cedar Rapids Iowa, in February. (BEG Note: This is quite possibly the best photo we've ever worked with. Seriously, hilarious)

IV: "No one will ever notice if we only take one!"

BEG: The play "The Bicycle Thief" never went over well in Venice. The production companies never understood why until this day.

(IV NOTE TO BEG: Actually dear, I think that's Copenhagen. See how few things I remember when searching for such wonferful pictures to mock?)

IV: This was the last picture Chet needed to complete his scrapbook of photos of him in random places pointing at things only he could see.

BEG: "No, not that piece of coral, the other piece. Dammit Dick, do I have to come over there and place the measuring tape myself?"

IV: Carl had learned his lesson. He told himself that next time he got the urge to point out something historically inaccurate, he should just keep it to him self and move along.

BEG: Carl's membership with the Rotary Club was at stake, so he did time in the stocks to insure that he'd keep his rightful place as treasurer. The Rotary Club was not to be trifled with.

Daves We Don't Know...

2006-03-13T16:05:00.000-06:00

Hi all! We've concocted a new, special treat for ya'll. It's a new twist on our fun with Google. We love Google!

We've done a Google Image Search with just the name 'Dave' typed into the search bar, inspired by the old Kids In The Hall sketch/song, 'These Are The Daves I Know' which was hilarious enough. However, we've searched for the Daves we don't know at all...and therein lies the fun...
Of course we got pics of your famous Daves...Dave Grohl, Dave Chappelle, Dave Attell, Dave Navarro (hottie)...there was even a picture of Ted Kennedy and one of Jessica Simpson labeled DAVE, but we're familiar with them and their work. They are famous after all.

We were looking for your Everyday Daves though, Average-Joe Daves, if you will. Along the way we found that your AJ Daves like to catch fish and rock out. They also seem to enjoy sports and building things. Many of them even like to load large things into the back of their trucks and show-off. We've brought you the best and strangest of these Daves...All results were obtained the usual way, by typing random thing (DAVE) into the Google Image Search bar. And of course all the same old disclaimer crap applies (not profiting, just mocking so back off!).

IV: Dave was hoping since tricks on bikes and tricks on snowboards had gone a long way towards the fame and fortune of many, bowling tricks would get him to the top...even if he had to throw out his back every time he hit the lanes!

BEG: "Hey guys! look at that pole!" Dave was terrified to admit, he didn't know how to bowl properly. So whenever it was his turn, he did his best to distract them while he granny-bowled.

IV: Dave was a burly guy, but the snake around his neck made him feel more like a man!

BEG: "As for me and my snake, we will serve the Lord, that is if the Lord is a fellow WWE wrestler."

IV: Dave really thought he lived in medieval times, and he looked so good in the nose armor that no had the heart (on a rustic wooden stick) to tell him otherwise.

BEG: Sir Dave of Hoboken loved these weekends. It was just him, his sword, and his nose shield. Ahh... good times, good Medieval Times.

IV: One of Dave's drunken friends (a former clown stripper) was stumbling around the party trying to cheer up all the sad, empty beer bottles. Dave couldn't bring him self to tell his friend that the beer bottles just didn't know they were sad.

BEG: Dave wanted to remind us all why balloon animals became obsolete when we all turned 10.

IV: None of Dave's pals showed up for their Saturday game in the park. Trying to make a go of it anyway. He stuggled to play the game entirely, both sides, by himself. Since none of his friends were there, that also meant no one was there to tell Dave the other players were all really necessary.

BEG: Strike-Out Dave had been dropped from the minor leagues only 3 days after getting to camp. But not even that could derail his dream...

IV: Every time someone in Dave's office said the word COFFEE, Dave would hide under the desk, singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' at the top of his lungs. The day this picture was taken it had already happened six times.

BEG: Dave was also known as master of the surge bar.

IV: Saying farewell to his floormates was hard. It was bittersweet, hard, with Dave thinking this could be the last time he'd see any of them. But even if this was to be the end of their time together, he knew they would all be able to look back and remember. Oh, yes! They would always have the Shady Brook Istitute!

BEG: Dave had been driven crazy at the T-Shirt imprinters trade show. Luckily someone had a solution.

IV: Dave's 'Paper-Thin' team was growing envious of his ability to slide in anywhere. They knew he would be the first to acheive true, paper thin-ness. [BTW: I know this is lame, but it was all I could come up with for this picture. My mind is busy. Questions on top of questions with some stray thoughts about dip in the mix. I just don't understand people who take pictures of things like this. Why do they think they need them?]

BEG: "Dave? Dave! Take the picture, the walls are moving, I swear to god the walls are moving!!" (BEG Note: BTW: this was screaming for some bad Star Wars crushed in trash bin joke but I just couldn't bring myself to do it)

Don't Forget to check out our new Renter: Haunted House Dressing. He might be a Dave! You never can tell!!!!

When Almost Counts...

2006-03-10T08:45:00.000-06:00

Our renter would love it if you would stop on by and check him out. His site is fun and informative, and nice to look at. Go now before we get the Dave's on you!

Are you enjoying our mockery? Please let us know. Comments make us happy, and make us want to continue to go on. If we get no comments we start drinking a lot of corn whiskey, and that shit's just no good for you.

All images received as a result of typing 'Almost' into the Google Image Search bar. Enter Disclaimer Here: ___________________________________________________

IV: Sometimes, working for the cruise line meant overlooking a few things, and still other times, Kip just couldn't help but wonder, "Is that a man or a woman?"

BEG: Coconut bras are a priviledge, not a right, and on this one, they are all wrong.

IV: Joel loved woodshop and guns. Fortunately for everyone at St. Catherine's middle school, there was still wood shop!

BEG: Joel's love of bookends was strange for a boy of his age. But he loved them, and would one day grow up to open Book-Ends-n-Things, wiping Linens-n-Things off the map.

IV: With years of Scout training under their belts the boys, now men, set out to fight their adversaries and take their land the old fashioned way.

BEG: The boyscouts had always been told they were the last line of defense in the US. Their day had come, when the news that the Mounties had crossed the US border with visions of taking Vermont, Troop 319 took to the streets, with a taste for blood, and campfire toasted marshmallows.

IV: Once a year, the Johnson family assembled like this on the front steps, each of them with their own theories, but none of them never really knowing what the hell they were doing it all for.

BEG: Grandma Johnson loved sneaking into photos to put bunny ears on Grandpa. What she didn't realize, among this motley crew of family members, was the the man on the far right of the picture was hired by grandpa to kill grandma should she attempt to humiliate him once again.

IV: "Where's the f-ing lift? You said this ski resort was the best!"

BEG: "Global warming? My Ass!"

IV: This is a perfect example of why Fraternities are a bad idea...especially when you're really only there for amusement purposes and to raise the house's GPA.

BEG: Dude with microphone: "It appears Mark is eating mystery substance #1. Any thoughts on what it might be Mark?" Mark: "And so's your face"

IV: When Ben said he was setting out to find his birth parents, everyone just assumed he'd spend a lot of time looking through old paperwork. Little did anyone know, Ben was leaving no stone unturned since his tracking class.

BEG: Ben realized that he was on the wrong path just by the foot prints. He took a photo and packed up for home. Nope, he would not find the Yeti this time, but next time who knew?

IV: Riddled with caffeine, the party had taken a turn. It was not a good one, but it kept things quiet and so far no one had jumped out the window!

BEG: This is what happens when the engineers and physics students have a party. First the engineering students build a tower of soda cans, then the physics majors try to figure out a way to get a rift in the space-time continuum, to send the soda can tower into the future and reconfigure it's shape. (please note, there are no beer cans which means this was done by sober people!)

IV: It was hard enough to convince the children not to do drugs. It was even harder when Cliff kept packing his crack-pipe up with the show supplies and leaving it on the table like it was no big deal.

BEG: Why motivational speakers rarely have props.

IV: Little Elizabeth was just not understanding the true game of hide-n-seek!

BEG: Lizzie wanted to be a turtle when she grew up. Her mother only hoped she didn't live up to her Lizzie namesake and hack the family to bits.

Dumb Is As Dumb Does - Pt. 2

2006-03-08T10:45:00.000-06:00

Sound the trumpets! We have a new renter!! Haunted House Dressing is our latest victim! His site is informative and he has excellent links for Telekinesis (moving stuff with your brain) info. Which is a skill we wish we had. He also has tips for writers, and has funny thinkgeek.com items. It is overall a site worth digging around in, head over, spend some time, travel the web on his mighty links. Plus the art is really pretty! Go check him out, after you are done laughing at this!

All images received by typing 'Dumb' into the Google Image Search bar. Standard disclaimer, we aren't profiting, if you were dumb enough to not put a thingy on your image for credit then this is what you get. BTW: aren't you just chocked by 2 updates in one week? Oh, we aren't even done yet, this is an extravaganza of posts!

And coming soon to the Deux: Google Image Name Search. Submit your names now. As always we would also love your ideas on additional words you'd like to see Googled! If we use yours you will forever be known in infamy on this blog. Yes, forever.

IV: Coach just kept saying that Juan-Miguel would settle in, but he just couldn't let go of his days with the traveling circus.

BEG: When Juan-Miguel first joined the team they told him he couldn't touch the ball with his hands. Juan-Miguel took this to a whole new level when he decided to play the whole game on his hands. That was until this night, when he got confused and tried to kick the ball with his hand. This was the last time Juan-Miguel played on his hands.

IV: Steff finally figured out why when it was the boys' turn to decide on dinner it always seemed to be oriental and one of them always brought a camera. She would not fall to the madness though!

BEG: Steff's friends loved to reenact Buffy the Vampire Slayer with chopsticks. Fred was a vampire, and Greg, well, Greg wanted to be Buffy. For all intents and purposes Steff really worried about Greg. BTW: Greg you stake them in the heart, not the head.

IV: Mike had always prided himself on his hide-n-seek skillz and how he could always manage to fit himself into the most inconvenient hiding places.

BEG: When Joan told Mike to spend a night in the sofa bed, he decided to literally sleep in the sofa bed.

IV: "Shit! You guys, Tony is dead. He's like a Tony-cicle!"

BEG: "OhMiGOD! It worked! Remember that one time I told you guys that the perfect murder could be comitted with an icicle? Well it's true! Dude! Tony's dead! And I'll never get caught!!!" (an hour later Mark was arrested for the murder of Tony, apparently bragging to everyone in the frat was not a way to cover up a crime)

IV: There had always been rumors spread about in cities about alligators in the sewer. In the country, it was a whole different story.

BEG: It was a little chilly, but baby Margaret loved to sit in the baby Whirlpool.

IV: Recipe for hilarity...take one Jim Carey. Add tennis raquet. Pay close attention.

BEG: "I wanna Rock!" BTW: Where's John McInroe when you really need him to play bass?

IV: The folks in Wentsville always made sure to pay attention to the signs. Of course, they also made a mental note for the future to never hire a dyselxic sign-maker again.

BEG: When Jimmy designed the signs he kept asking if the sign should say left like the direction the arrow was pointing, to which Bob replied "Right." Bob and Jimmy are both no longer employed at Signage, Inc. (BEG side note: this reminds me of the 'No Stopping on Pavement' signs in Louisville KY. Generally these signs are next to stop signs, so which is it Lousiville; stop or no stop???)

IV: Stu figured out that if he breathed on the bar, he could draw smiley faces and footprints just like if it was a real window...unfortunately, Patty, the barkeep kept sweeping by with her rag, wiping his creativity away.

BEG: Stu had seen the girls at the bar pick up shot glasses like this and get lots of phone numbers for it. He thought this feat was impressive. After doing it himself though he got 4 numbers. Sadly, they were all from other men.

Dumb Is As Dumb Does - Pt. 1

2006-03-06T10:45:00.000-06:00

Steph's rent is almost up, go ahead and stop by her site before it's too late!

All images received by typing 'Dumb' into the Google Image Search bar. Yada Yada Yada standard crap disclaimer.

IV: Bry-Guy and Phil always hated getting caught. It was becoming harder and harder to make up believable excuses to hide the love that dare not speak its true name and still look good on film.

BEG: Bry and Phil couldn't understand why their application video and photos for The Amazing Race were turned down. So they had a thing for rainbows and Greco-Roman style wrestling, it wasn't like they were gay or anything.

IV: Riding behind Bear never bothered JoAnn. What she did find disturbing though was the fact that he could never seem to find a shirt when he got the urge to go for a bike ride! Luckily, the helmet kept their true identities a secret.

BEG: Bear thought women couldn't resist his handsome good looks, and rugged (if not paunchy) body. What he didn't realize was they only really dug his bike, and after realizing it wasn't a Harley, so often they would leave him.

BEG Note: Please note there is a small child squished between them. Yes, look closely. Thanks to Wendi for spotting this, I am now considering changing my commentary.

IV: It was getting hard for Mel's co-workers to overlook her turning into the bunny character in the book she so loved, but next week, if she has a fluffy ball tail, they've decided to send in a team of hunters to stop the madness!

BEG: Mrs. Trimple, the grade school librarian, was always looking for new ways to bring reading into the lives of young people. Her 'Read or Mutate into Forest Creatures' campaign didn't go over well, neither did her football themed culottes.

IV: Sam's friends had hoped the chinese hat would dissuay him from doing his routine chicken dancing, but they could already see his arms were sliding into position...they also didn't think they'd be able to take the hat away when their plan failed.

BEG: Sam was preparing for his Mortal Combat Role Playing group by getting into the role. Sadly their group would only meet once, as those who didn't die were arrested for murder.

IV: "Is that Celine? Is she...is she...copulating...with a ...with a mule?"

BEG: Sara loved a good witch trial. In her head she was screaming "I shall not suffer a witch to live! Hang her! Quarter her!" In reality she knew that Delores Rider wasn't going to get burned at the stake, or drawn and quartered, this was the Ren-Faire after all, but Sara could dream...

IV: The office supply honor system had failed once again. The post-its were gone and punishement was being taken to a whole new level.

BEG: When they signed up for the human research subject gig it sounded pretty good: 24 hour monitoring, communal living, observation. What they didn't realize was that they had entered a contract with the Dharma Initiative and would soon be shipped off to an island in the middle of nowhere. 4 8 15 16 23 42 anyone?

IV: Billy didn't take the news well that he had been taken out of the running for Theater Camp Queen. He couldn't handle that he'd have to spend another long summer singing show tunes and have nothing to show for it but a Princess title!

BEG: Billy didn't understand why everyone thought she was a boy, she felt like 100% woman! Sure she had no breasts, but how many 17 year olds looked like Tyra anyway? And at theater camp it was worse! They all thought she was acting like a girl! After that reassignment surgery though, she'd show them!

IV: "Am I blending yet? Can you see me?"

BEG: Wow, it's like a Garfield cartoon come to life, only without that fat assed cat or Odie.

IV: The building crew just couldn't wait for the ramp to be installed so they could get the machinery to the second level of the stadium. Fortunately for them, they had a machine just slighly larger to keep things moving along.

BEG: To the stranded members of the Sawyer Group Engineering firm, the idea of being stuck on the second floor in early construction with no way down was no way for a man to die. Luckily the construction workers had found a way to save them, or did they?

[IV: On a personal note, I can say that this sort of behavior goes on all the time when men get together with machinery. I have experienced this very thing in my own yard when a group of neighborhood men decided to play with a forklift left in my yard by the concrete men who were taking out my old driveway and putting in the new one. The neighborhood crew, my man included, decided it would be a great idea to put a 40 ft. ladder in the bucket and try to get up on top of my very, very tall house to install the weather vane...

Essentially, two men went up, one at a time, and came down knees shaking and scared to death of heights. Also, a portion of the weather vane was dropped from the highest point of my roof and broke into a million pieces. Men, please stop behaving like this. It doesn't make chicks want you when you try to be like Superman. It doesn't impress us and something usually gets broken...and there's always the chance that it could be your head...and no woman wants to scrape up man-brain from the pavement!]

Everything's Shiny!

2006-03-03T10:35:00.000-06:00

We would like to give a big THANKS to Steph for contributing this post's Google Image Search word. We tried Gooey, but it resulted in a lot of porn, so we decided to go with Shiny! You should go check out Steph's blog right now, it's over there on the right in the pretty box. Wait, check it out after you've finsihed reading this post. She'd be more than happy to have you stop on in!

We fought the urge to fill this post with images from the defunct (but very funky) TV show Firefly and the recently released motion picture Serenity (yes we are pimping this, it's Deux Approved viewing!). Why Shiny? Cos in the future shiny is a word they use to describe anything that's excellent, like this blog, or how pretty the cast of these visual delights are. So we will put the one lone image right here, without commentary, cos when people are this SHINY who needs to mock?:

All pictures found by typing 'Shiny' into the Google Image Search bar. Enter our standard disclaimer barf here. Not profitting, and please don't thieve this idea. We don't have too many brilliant things to do with this blog without this!

This is a picture of Kari Wuhrer. She'd be the one in the silver.
It stated very clearly that I had to say that in order to use said picture of her.
I think she's just trying to get her name around more after her career went all to hell and she ended up on 'General Hospital' for a while.

IV: "Jane? Is this supposed to burn? It's burning Jane! Jane, stop pulling my hair and get me a washcloth! It's burning! Jane!!!"

BEG: Kari Wuhrer's attempts at a career reinvention were not going as planned. So when the Sci-Fi Channel called her with an opportunity to be 'street performer number 7' in "Aliens in Amsterdam," she took the job. She figured a few hours in silver face paint would pay for years to come in the form of 'guest' income from all of the numerous Sci-Fi conventions she'd be invited to. Had she read the script she would have known that she was to die in the first 20 seconds of the film by being turned inside out but an alien death beam, and that chick never gets to come to the conventions.

IV: While Carol tried her best to be enchanting for the camera men, her husband was busy drawing chalk pentagrams on the floor beneath their feet.

BEG: Latex, it's a privilege, not a right.

IV: On the rare occasions when Monica and Sara left the house, they did it with only the passion and style they could. Plus, they new no one would ever try to mug a girl with horns.

BEG: Apartment shopping is never fun. Monica and Sara tried to increase the fun by donning their 'Devil Diva' wigs from last Halloween. What they didn't realize was their inability to rent was not due to Monica's bad credit from that last bastard she dated, no, most rental companies have a strict 'No Horns' policy buried deep in their paper work. They would keep hunting until they could find a place to hang their horns, err, wigs, err, hats.

IV: Although the world outside was tempting, Beth and Shana decided they had it so much better and they did it in so much less clothing.

BEG: "Why does Shana always get to wear the cool shoes and I get the wool socks? I swear I had that extra toe removed last year!" Thought Beth in silence, and in boyshorts.

IV: There was always the hope that the girls in the Western Dance group would get their shit together and put on a good show of dance, but secretly the audience still waited for one of them to fall and flash the crowd!

BEG: The girls at the St. Bernadette's senior prom had seen all the teen movies. This year they were hell bent on making their own group dance number come to life. They bought matching dresses, and right after the coronation, they took to the dance floor after 17 requests for Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive'. Move over 'Can't Buy Me Love' this was going to be the best dance number ever! (and survive they did)

IV: The people on this bus are about to learn that no one ever GOES to WENTzville!

BEG: Wentzville was the tiny neutral state somewhere along the Mississippi. It was on no maps, and only once every 12 years did this highway sign appear. Once you WENT to WENTZville, there was no returning from whence you came.
IV: Everyone gathered together for what would be the only photo ever taken of the cast of 'Survivor: Scottish Highlands'. Unfortunately for them, the map was bad and they were never seen again. The producers have since replaced all of them with fluffy white sheep...and it seems to be going fairly well!

BEG: When they offered the school children of St. George's Prepatory School a chance for a weekend holiday in Scotland they all jumped up and down screaming with excitement. Had they shut up they would have heard 'dropped in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but a knife and the clothes on your back.' By Saturday Fiona Chesterly (in the silver coat) had stabbed all 9 of her classmates for 2 sticks of gum, a piece of Cadbury chocolate and an asthma inhaler. This is the last photo taken of them all still alive.

IV: "Why aren't they working?", Sheila wondered why she couldn't just click her heels three times and get back to Jersey.

BEG: Nothing made Sheila feel better after a long day of inseminating dairy cows, than to come home, put on her dancing shoes, and become her alter-ego 'Dancing Queen'!

IV: Clark had been spening a lot of time in the workshop lately. Little did his people know that he was working the the world's largest, shittiest watch...so he could control time!

BEG: Clark liked to support the local Pittsville BackYard Super-Wrestlers in any way he could. If that meant making championship belts out of sheet metal in his meth lab, then so be it. It was worth the risk of explosion just to see those kids happy.

IV: Scott should have known something was wrong when he turned the machine on the the gravity in the room shifted dramatically, but he thought he'd try to take a closer look anyway.

BEG: When Intel prototypes go terribly wrong.

IV: Kat knew her art was misunderstood, but it never stopped her trying to fulfull her dream of building the world's largest tire stack. Plus, she knew if she succeeded, the children at Jackson Elementary would have a whole new playground to enjoy.

BEG: Kat was worried, the Michelin baby had gone missing only hours before, but how could she find him in a sea of tires? His cries were muffled by their superior sound-proofing, and the holes! Oh there were so many to search, and so little time before shooting the commercial had to come to an end!

IV: The boys worked. Oh yeah, they worked, but what management didn't know was that they also plotted their escape to Chuck E. Cheese, which they saw everday, not so far off in the distance.

BEG: The Springfield Police had done it! Not only did they create a pedophile trap, but they also found a way to raise money for their end of year donut fiesta at the local Krisy Kreme. Yup, this was like biting into a Boston Creme of justice.

**Got a suggestion? Got a word you want us to use?? Leave it in the comments, and if we use it, we'll totally credit you for it.

Squish! Squish! Squish!

2006-02-28T09:42:00.000-06:00

We have an all new renter, Stephanie at "Mystical Incense and More" (NOT Mystical Incest!) and she would love it if you stopped by to visit. Actually as soon as you are done reading this we demand you click on her, if you don't we may never update again. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Any whoo, Stephanie's blog is gorgeous, and she also makes cool bath and candle products. A few weeks ago she had an awesome 'Choose Your Own Adventure' style contest but everything I found someone else had already found, which made me (BEG) very very sad. We look forward to her future endeavors. She also has a great rant about Bad Parents that could have been written by IV and me (no a serious post about bad parents, not mockery). Go check her out now, you won't regret it (plus she can make you stink better)

All new! By Popular demand! IV's and BEG's GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH!! All images were found by randomly typing 'Squish' into the Google Image Search box. Is there a word you'd like us to google? Honestly we are running out of strangely simple words to google. Throw us a bone and let us know your ideas in comments. We only search for single words, so don't submit a sentance. The more generic the word usually the better the results. If they don't suck, we might just use your suggestion! You will be amply rewarded by having your name mentioned, imagine the fame!

As per usual none of these photos are credited, we only have them here to mock, ridicule and otherwise mis-interpret them. We don't even read the pages they come from. We aren't profiting from this, except in hearty laughs, so don't sue us.

IV: Everyday, Susan returned home to see if she had gotten any thinner. The new starvation diet was really helping her self esteem, but she was just never thin enough to get past the truck and back inside.

BEG: Susan wanted Juan Miguel, the man who sold black-market Louis Vuitton hand bags out of his box truck. Every week she followed him to the sweat-shop where he picked up the new stock. And every week she just didn't know how to get to him, or how he got out of the truck in the first place, this hampered her ability not only to get her hands on the new stock first, but also to declare her love of Juan Miguel.

IV: The people in the trailer park had heard stories and had always feared the day when the magic bubbles would arrive to snatch up their trailers and wisk them away to a far off land.

BEG: Those were not tiny bubbles, and those were no longer Lincoln Logs, Sammy had in fact created a machine that made everything bigger. Sammy now set his eyes on the Shady Grove Trailer Park, it would be marvelous, his gigantic world, but how long would it last?!?

IV: When the puppy rebellion started, no one ever thought they'd grow this strong.

BEG: Tiny Ferdinand looked on, he did not know if this battle was his to win, or his to lose, but he knew if he didn't do something, and fast, his siblings would be crushed by the tiniest Ogre ever.

IV: "I love you gigantic feet!" When Joe's church group took him to the large shoe museum, they never thought they'd lose him to to the shoes. Shoes-1/God&Church-0

BEG: Daphne wasn't aware of Joe's shoe fetish, but after having watched him worship the gigantic shoe, now it was undeniable. Daphne would have to take the baby far far away from her freak husband, if she fled now he might not even notice...

IV: When someone had suggested that Jim create the first amazing rapids golf course, he jumped right into it, but the daily floods were really beginning to hinder his business!

BEG: Mardi Gras just would never be the same in post-Katrina New Orleans. There wasn't a drag queen to be seen, and Harry Connick Jr. even failed to show!

IV: "This place...this place is absolutely magnificent!"

BEG: It is a little known fact that rats love velour just a bit more than Jennifer Lopez's ass.

IV: "Kelly, I swear I saw it and it was only this big!"

BEG: "I'm Crushing Your Head!!!"

IV: This year, the parasites in the office had grown in numbers and instead of waiting for janitorial to take care of it, the women had taken things into their own hands!

BEG: Sharon had always wished for the opportunity to to lay down the long arm of the wife. After spending time with that genie, she had her chance.

IV: Just like a man...always has to do things the hard way!

BEG: Every year it got tougher and tougher to find virgins to sacrifice to the gods of cobblestone. And while the temple was smaller now, and the drop shorter, it was still difficult for Tom to let go of his little girl.

IV: For some time now the battle between Kenny and Marv had continued on...but today would be Kenny's day to shine...and few would notice if Marv never came back from the woods.

BEG: Kenny had seen it fail for Wil E. Coyote, but he firmly believe he was smarter than a stupid cartoon, and he would succeed. Kenny was later declared a Darwin Awards winner and a Dumb Ass.

Lousy Google Image Search!

2006-02-15T19:31:00.000-06:00

Our renter would love for you to stop by and visit. Honest, he would. So go do that after, of course, reading this wonderful addition to 'Fun with Google' (someday this will be TM'ed, or not)!

Boredom leads to strange behavior...and Googling for random things. Here's another little treat for ya, another 'Fun With Google'.

All pictures contained in this post were obtained by typing the word 'Lousy' into the Google Image searchbox. We are not crediting anyone for any of the pictures since as per usual, we didn't really pay any attention to where they were coming from. It wasn't the point. If they're yours, great job, but as you can see, not using them for profit...just the sake of mockery! And remember everytime you put a photo on the internet you are only making our mockery easier. And mockery, like parody, should be considered a real form of flattery, cos we really don't want our asses kicked.

IV: The game of hide-n-seek had gotten so out of hand that Katie had plenty of time to redecorate and personalize her hiding space.

BEG: Some people thought Katie's school was run by lunatics, others thought it was progressive. All she knew was, she loved the 'Use a Science-Fair Project to protect yourself from the alien invader's rotating laser trajectory beams' drills they did every Friday.

IV: Na-na na-na na-na na-na Blackman! Or alternately a perfect example of why superheroes should not mate.

BEG: "I'm Superman, I can Fly!!" (Moments later Tyrell's lifeless body was found on the sidewalk outside San Diego's Convention Center, he was only one of a handful of Comic-Con participants who got a bottle of Mountain Dew spiked with some real bad acid.)

IV: "I cannot believe you talked me into coming in here!"

BEG: "I always wondered what it would be like to be inside a condom, and I was right, it sucks! Let's get the fuck out of here!"

IV: Okay, so an English golf pro, an Asian bus driver and a mad scientist...

BEG:Yup, they had heard all the jokes when they got on the bus, but Rupert didn't care, he liked his tripod! They were the best of friends, and people could just deal!

IV: "Sometimes, the bugs are so soothing..." Or alternately, Joey didn't mind haircut day.

BEG: Fear Factor- Diabetes Camp! There is no quicker way to be turned off from sugar than to be covered in it, and then spend an afternoon with cockroaches!

IV: "Oh, you wanted me to hit that! I wasn't sure." Or alternately, Jeff recently learned to throw the ball after months of strenuous therapy and re-adjustment to the world outside of the mental facility.

BEG: Jeff wasn't gonna fall for that trick! Last time he accidentally mistook the Spirit Stick at Cheerleading Camp for a baseball bat, he aged 40 years and turned gay. No, siree, they could throw all the balls at his head that they wanted, he was not going to fall for that one again...

IV: "I swear someone said this was a costume party." Or alternately, "No. No radioactivity here!"

BEG: Everyone always looked forward to Steve 's 'Slaying the Dragon' demonstration at the Kilpatrick family reunion. What they didn't realize was Steve was also chasing the dragon...

IV: Karen just couldn't resist 'Casual Fridays', the only day of the week when she could wear her head wreath and a t-shirt to the office and not look like an ass.

BEG: Karen's Lord of the Rings Role Playing Group didn't think she should be Galadriel. First off, she was not wearing the traditional Elvin silver wire headpiece, secondly, Galadriel only wore white, not a Green Bay Packers T-shirt, finally Galadriel had long white blonde hair, not reddish brown lesbo-hair. When Fritz suggested she play Sam Ganges, Karen showed her proficiency for swearing in Elvish. Yup, this was going to be one long, Saturday afternoon in Middle Earth (which doubles as a community room at Nicolet Community Technical College).

IV: "LOST Fantasy Camp seemed a whole lot cooler in the brochure...and I don't think anyone here had any heroin."

BEG: The day Fred melted into the crusty dead earth, the cast of Survivor-Death Valley gathered, and for just one sweltering, blister producing afternoon, there were no tribes. They were just 12 cast-members, 3 producers, 2 camera men and 1 director who desperately wished they had gotten in on one of the tropical island seasons...

IV: This is not what Yosh had in mind when he joined the scouts.

BEG: Yosh hated Military School. He called his father and promised to never ever do anything wrong again if he could just go home. Last week Yosh's only friend Kim had been shot in the head 'accidentally' during this same exercise. Yup, it was a dangerous job, but some kid with a bad attitude and an interest in crime and screwing cute school girls had to do it.

IV: Every time Carl had to take the long walk to the outhouse he wished once again that he had properly filled out that requisition form for the golf cart.

BEG: When Carl got his parks service job he never though 'shit inspector' would be part of his job title.

IV: New planets are discovered every day, in the strangest places no less.

BEG: Worst. Day. Ever

IV: Stu found that a duel in this day and age doesn't really convey the same amount of anger that it used to.

BEG: The Nicolet Community Techincal College's Community room was many things to many people. To some it was Middle Earth, and to others it was a place to put a cage on their face and poke another person with a pointy, yet dull sword.

IV: Sometimes the wardrobe department got a little confused, but she didn't mind as long as the janitorial service remembered to turn up the heat.

BEG: Margot's dream of become the next QVC hostess just didn't work out. Then again, she probably shouldn't have taped her audition between dances at Big Poppa's Gentleman's Club and Buffet.

IV: "So there I was...just me and the big salad...and it was about to go down hard..."

BEG: Japanese Game Shows had gotten completely out of control when the goal became to name the days of the week while being chased by a man with a large salad fork wearing a teapot on his head.

Google Hunting with Dick

2006-02-15T12:00:00.000-06:00

Firstly: We would like to welcome our new renter. This is a slum, we are slumlords and somehow people still want to rent from us. Is it the cheap cheap rent? Much like any slum, probably. Anywhoo, 'From the Morning' is our new renter. Normally we aren't fans of church going folk, but while this guy is a church goer he is also a government lunch thief, which is a really hilarious post. A lot of his posts are. We'll even forgive the church stuff for the regalement of the Root Canal. He's funny and smart, so anyone reading this should go click and make his 10-15 credits worth every, err credit. If you are reading this, and don't go and check him out, we will send Cheney the Hut after you with a shotgun and without a Quail Permit.

Now Onward With The Mockery...

It's too good to pass up! Dick Cheney shoots a man while quail hunting!! Too Priceless! How is every blogger on earth not just rolling around in the bird shot and blood? Well, we are. Of course we are...it's just like that time when G-Dub got in that poo-hurling contest with a local zoo monkey...no, wait, that didn't happen...yet. Nevermind about that.

So, in honor of Vice President Dick Cheney shooting a man (In the face), this edition of fun with Google is dedicated to Dick Cheney. All Google image results were attained by entering 'Cheney' in the search box. If a photo has a credit on it, congrats to whoever put it on the interweb, your photo is credited all on it's own, and you are not an idiot. The others? not so much. We don't pay attention to where they come from, we just make fun of them...

From the Sci-Fi and Movie Files:

This photo was labeled: Cheney-Edwards Debate Moment

BEG: I am trying to figure out which one is Cheney and which one is Edwards. I'm hoping Han Solo is Edwards, cos I think that Alien looks kinda like a Dick, I mean like Dick.

IV: Is this the E Channel re-enactment of the Cheney-Edwards debate? I saw their Jackson Trial mock-up and this seems about their speed. Although, when I imagine Cheney-Edwards debate moments played with action figures, I see Cheney more as a Strawberry Shortcake doll, possibly one of those all rubbery ones that doesn't really move a lot.

BEG: I always knew something was up with Bush and Cheney, and now I get it. Bush is Cheney's Sigorney Weaver, only Bush, not nearly as hot in a bitch beater and panties. Although I have heard that a bitch beater and panties are his preferred 'head of state' attire.

IV: Wouldn't this just leave us with a Bush-Free U.S. and Vice President Alien Cheney? This would be a really funny scenario if we could get Newt back and maybe Condi could wear the bitch-beater and panties.

BEG: "George I am not your father" BTW: I love the glasses with this look, gives it a comforting 'come cuddle grandpa' feel.

IV: Are they gonna appoint James Earl Jones to be the voice of Vice President Cheney now? It would be enlightening to see how it rocked their world a bit. I mean what would happen if they pulled the Darth Republican mask off to reveal...no wait, I'll just stop right there and go with Kanye West.

BEG: Whoa! Where's my Condi-Democratic-Party-Equivalent in Leia slave-girl gear, or Howard Dean trapped in carbonite ala Han Solo (or should it be Edwards?). If you are going to go for the Star Wars analogy, go all out, or go back to Dagobah.

IV: At least Cheney is in the right place in this cartoon. Although, I don't remember Jaba being as crusty as Cheney and he probably smelled more like trash than death! Also, I too am a little bit upset there is no Condi slave-girl.

BEG: I never noticed Cheney had an underbite like a bulldog's! He's an angry green puppy!!

IV: Incredible Cheney Hulk? Either way, it's clear from his expression that it really isn't easy being green!

BEG: It's shocking in just how many photos the president looks like he's thinking 'mmm boobies' and Cheney looks like 'Mmm World Domination, must eat more oil!'

IV: I have no comment on this picture. It already says so much. Also, I don't really want to think about Cheney 'shagging' anything.

In the Rest of the Files:

BEG: There are no Happy Birthdays at the White House. There is only pain, misery, and rampant patriotism. If you don't eat this cake the Terrorist's Win!!!!

IV: It isn't really cake. It's just cardboard covered with frosting that cost $2,212,063.00. There was no room in the budget for actual cake this year.

BEG: I'm not sure if I want to make an Elvis or Johnny Cash joke here. Let's just say that Cheney has left the building!

IV: Cheney: Vice President. Man. Lounge Singer. Shooby-dooby-doo-wop! Check out the 'Dick Cheney Trio' and please remember that the 9:30 pm show is different than the 7:30 pm show folks!

BEG: "Dammit, I was all set for my big rendition of singin' in the rain, but there's no rain. It's time we got NASA involved in looking for the terrorist-built-weather-machine, I know that Bin Laden is behind ruining my big dance number!!!"

IV: "Someday it will rain oil!"

BEG: This isn't actually Vice President Cheney, this is a gigantic cardboard cut-out of Cheney. The real Cheney was in the basement of the White House once again getting a rebuilt heart. We can rebuild him! We can make him stronger!

IV: "But I don't wanna go to summer camp!" or alternately, "None of you can get me!"

BEG: Somehow, not nearly as scary as Benedict. Then again Cheney was never an actual Nazi-Youth like Benedict was, instead Dick just like's to play Nazi when's he's not trying to convince Lynne that 'Shiver Me Timbers' is a game she would enjoy playing with her male friends.

IV: Notice how he seems to still have the same look of wanting world domination...

BEG: "What? My lack of shirt makes me look fat?? What if I hold a beer can? Then does it look better?" WTF is up with the quilt in the background? I mean, hello creepy.

IV: "What do you mean we're out of beer? Someone get me Air Force 2!"

BEG: Look! A cold day in Hell!!!! Satan DOES wear a parka!! Alternately I wanted to make a bad South Park joke here.

IV: Is that even Cheney? Either way, I'm with BEG. And shouldn't that parka be on fire...to warm the others, I mean.

BEG: Sometimes smiling was painful for Dick, and sometimes it was just painful for all of us...

IV: Look what I learned! I can smile and lie at the same time! Thank you Botox!

BEG: Sometime's being Bionic-Cheney (TM) was tough. The bionic hand would miss his bionic nose, when all he really wanted to do was itch his bionic nostrils. The bionic neck fat roll was the most difficult thing to create, but because he refused to say he was hangin' with Kirstie Ally and the Jenny Craig, the designers had to go back to the drawing board 28 times. His bionic neck fat roll cost the US $1.8 billion and the lives of 9 scientists (some were killed in explosions of faux fat and others were just killed because of the bionic knowledge they had).

IV: "I am sober. Look I can touch my nose. Give me the gun." It was either that or Cheney is trying to signal the pitcher.

BEG: "Hey there little one, don't grow up to be a raging, hell-bound, dyke like my little girl, okay? You don't want to go to hell right?"

IV: "What is this thing? It's touching me! Get it off! Get it off!"

BEG: All I got on this one is a big WTF????

IV: Is Cheney gonna record a really bad pop album too?

BEG: Look it's the Cheney-Pumpkin! Guaranteed to get smashed all year round by angry Democrat Neighbors and Children alike!!!

IV: Cleary, whoever did this has far too much time on their hands...and a very unnatural love of our VP. There are just some things that should not be carved into a pumpkin. Cheney's face, the cast of 'Punky Brewster', Charles Manson, etc.

In the how did this come up using the word Cheney category:

Sold as: Cheney the Tubby Quarry Critter, No I didn't make that up

BEG: Why has this poor stone kitty been damned for all eternity with a name like Cheney??? If you look closely though, it's face is definately thinking, "Mmm World Domination, Must Eat More Oil!!!!!"

IV: I think this is what they used to fill in the hole in Dick's chest cavity where his heart used to be. Of course, we all know, his actual heart had to be removed, cut into four separate pieces and taken to different, secret locations to keep it from reassembling.

BEG: Look it's Cherry Cheney, the woman who sold the family's soul to the devil for a great set of legs and a pack of Bel-Aires! Creepy: She kinda looks like Gwen Stefani in the face...

IV: A little known fact about Dick...he didn't used to have one.

Now it's time for us to ride off into the sunset with Cheney:

Note From IV: I hope you all enjoy this post. It was a terrible pain in the arse to put together. BEG tried, but the internet was more likely to bite her than cooperate. I've now spent all morning re-adjusting and yelling at the dogs when they unplug my PC just when I think I'm done and then had to start over again three different times because of them!

Imaginary Complaints Department

2006-01-19T11:40:00.000-06:00

The other night IV and myself were having a conversation about her Swanson's Chicken Pot Pie. She commented that it tasted like a turkey pot pie and that she felt deceived. I told her to call Swanson's. This is the conversation as I imagine it:

(after 20 mintues of pushing buttons to find an actual living human)
Operator: Thank you for calling Swanson's how may I help you?

IV: There's something wrong with my chicken pot pie.

Operator: What is it?

IV: It tastes like a turkey pot pie. I think this turkey pot pie is mascarading about as a chicken pot pie.

O: Ma'am I'm sure it's a chicken pot pie.

IV: You don't understand I eat a lot of pot pies. I am a connoisseur of pot pie. This is turkey.

O: If it says chicken on the box, it's chicken.

IV: Hold on a Sec. (Yelling off the phone: NO KITTY THAT'S MY POT PIE) Sorry about that, damn cat is pot pie crazy.

O: (laughing) I'm sure.

IV: Are you being condecending? Are you mocking me? I called you cos I was concerned that there may have been a factory mix-up or something, because clearly I am eating a turkey pot pie. I thought maybe you'd offer to send me coupons for my trouble, as I was not intending to consume a turkey pot pie, and as a thanks for bringing this to your attention. Instead you mock me.

O: I'm not mocking you ma'am.

IV: Whatever. If this happens again I am so calling your headquarters. You better watch out. Others will catch on that you are scrimping on the chicken pot pies and selling turkey pot pies in chicken pot pie boxes. People will not stand for this. I might start a website about this!

O: Okay ma'am. Thank you for calling Swanson's.

IV: Bite me. (hangs up)

Don't remember where I got this from, but I'm sure Google Images is to blame. Also since when does Godzilla eat Reese's Pieces I thought that was strictly ET's favorite snack, now it's also in with Godzilla. Reese's Pieces: Loved by monsters everywhere!

In other news it was brought to my attention that the Reese's Pieces Yellow pieces contain Red Dye. I was trying to wrap my brain around this, but still I cannot make heads or tails of it.

Dear Reese's,

I am concerned that your yellow, brown and orange Reese's Pieces contain red dye. The brown and orange do not surprise me, because orange is a mix of red and yellow, and brown a mix of orange and green. What did surprise me was that the yellow contains red.

Below is an image of the primary colors and what they create. This image is courtesy of NASA, who knows their colors unlike you.

Image from NASA, I shit you not, NASA has the color wheel on their website. Crazy ain't it?

As is clearly displayed on this wheel there is no way that red can make yellow. It's an impossibility as red and yellow are primary colors and with the help of their friend blue create all other colors. As a young child in elementary school art classes I remember being educated on the color wheel. Yellow was never made of red.

So now I implore you to explain this red dye in yellow candy phenomenon. Was it to make the candy more of a goldenrod shade of yellow instead of the harsh yellow those M & M's freak use? Please, tell me, cos I can't eat your candy until you do. I fear these yellow mutant 'made of red' candies might cause my unborn offspring to produce gills.

Sincerely, BEG

Dammit, Dick! - #3

2006-01-11T10:33:00.000-06:00

Here's the latest edition of 'Dammit, Dick' which was supposed to be the 'special' New Year's edition and would have been except posting got derailed by debauchery. Anyway, in this installment, Dick Cheney wears a space suit and there are strippers!
And, as always, if it's too small to read here,which often times it is and I can't figure out how to change or fix that, a larger version can be found here www.geocities.com/tedsfault/page3.html

A Night in Miss Maddie's Head

2006-01-03T21:43:00.000-06:00

This post recalls the events surrounding BEG (me) playing with Little Miss Maddie the adorable neighbor child of IV on New Years Eve. Little Miss Maddie some day will be exactly like IV and me. Seriously this kid is so on the Japanese bullet train to creative adult it's not even funny. Let's just hope she doesn't get in as much trouble as we did.

There was a lot of playing involving the My Little Pony Butterfly Island Adventure Set (not as adventurous as it sounds) and additional ponies. This was very normal. With the ponies drinking some juice and riding the waves and twirling around on a magical wheel.

Things didn't get interesting until the Pregnant Midge doll was brought out. You all remember the pregnant Midge controversy about her wedding ring and shit? Well if not, it's called google people, look it up. Some how 2 tiny identical plastic dogs also showed up and this story is pretty much what the future freak girl came up with, enjoy:

Midge is naked, her dress is long lost, so the entire time Midge is naked, which might explain why she has all these kids. Midge first gives birth to a baby. The baby is tiny and falls out of her non-realistic magnetic belly. Maddie gives the baby to a My Little Pony to carry around in her scooter. Fair enough.

Then Midge gives birth to a RABID PUPPY that proceeds to attack and eat the pony babysitting. I shit you not. This is the demented workings of a tiny child. Then the pony makes a miraculous recovery, gets on said scooter with RABID puppy and rides off to the Adventure Island to have some juice while the puppy plays in the sand (and the baby is forgotten in the back of the scooter). Midge meanwhile, the whore that she is, gives birth to another much gentler puppy.

The actual baby gets kidnapped at the beach, but some how WHORE MIDGE readily gives birth to it's clone which flys across the room after falling out of Midge's magnetic belly. So apparently Midge is not only a lousy bad mother and dog fucker, but can't keep track of them coming out of her plastic womb.

Meanwhile, at the beach baby pegasus pony shows up on a scooter that is too big while wearing a helmet and I think a snorkle, possibly a cape and a flipper or two, with the other puppy bastard child. The puppy goes to play with it's RABID sibling and eventually is whirled around above the island on a wheel of death, then is forced to ride a surf board to a pool of death.

Midge is now out 4 kids. The woman lost 4 kids in an afternoon!

Then Maddie goes back to plaaying normally, giving the baby (since recovered) a bath and nap and parading Pregnant Naked Midge about.

Mind you this child is about to possibly be a big sister. I only hope she doesn't feed the baby to a rabid dog expecting her mommy to pump another one out in under a day.

And people wonder why I drank all that chamagne.

Dammit, Dick! - #2

2005-12-27T22:07:00.000-06:00

If you cannot read this one, a larger version can be found here, www.geocities.com/tedsfault/page2.html

This installment of Dammit Dick is dedicated to BEG's lost stick horse Rusty who was savagely throw into the abyss of gigantic rummage sale for rich prep-school by uncaring parents last summer. No, she's not bitter. RIP Rusty, you are missed...

Dammit Dick!

2005-12-20T19:23:00.000-06:00

The new, stick-figure comic brought to you by the bloggers of 'The Deux'.

In this, the first installment, Vice President Cheney gives President Bush Weebles for Christmas and chaos ensues!

If you cannot read this a larger version can be found here... www.geocities.com/tedsfault/index.html

It's Inner City Critter Fun!!

2005-12-14T21:36:00.000-06:00

Warning: Semi-Offensive Post Ahead, this is only meant in fun.

Not an actual Gheti.

Gheti (Yeti Ghetticus): American a 'Ghetto Yeti.' Mostly seen wandering the inner city streets after a dramatic snowfall. The Gheti is easily recognizable from it's more rural equivalent in several ways:

Coat: While the standard rural Yeti (Yeti Bumblefuckus) is noted for it's magnificent white fuzzy coat, the Gheti's coat often looks bedraggled, somewhat matted, and has the odd yellow brownish tinge of road salt. The Gheti can also be clearly noted by the presents of tufts of hair on either side of it's head, known within it's hunting range as 'Afro Puffs.'
Teeth: The Yeti has sharp icicle teeth (as seen in the image above), the Gheti often will have one or more of these teeth plated with gold, platinum and sometimes set with diamonds.
Camouflage: The Yeti easily hides among the hills and trees with only it's fur for protection from the elements. The Gheti is often seen wearing an Orlando Magic Jersey and often is bedecked in 'Bling.' This Bling can range from a simple fat gold chain with a diamond encrusted G, to a large time piece worn around the neck (this Gheti can also sometime utter the phrase 'Flavor-Flav!').
**The females are often seen wearing wearing similar jerseys, but are detectable by their long flourescent colored nails.

The Gheti is not as dangerous as the Yeti, as it seems to have had a harder life living on the mean streets. This has caused it to spend most of it's time foraging for grilled meats and corn whiskey. The Gheti also has found ways to adapt to different inner-city areas as well, there are several subtypes that have been noted. Recently it has been noted that the Gheti seems to be moving into suburban rates. The suburbs need not be alarmed, these Gheti are very well behaved and mean no harm, they are just looking for a safe place to raise their young, in hopes that some day they can be Yeti.

Sub-types:
The most far removed subtype seems to be Yeti Ghetticus Trailerstisis, this creature has been found wandering trailer parks in rural and urban areas. It may be a cross breed with the Yeti, but DNA testing needs to be done. It is most easily noted by the lack of jersey, and puffs in favor of a 'Mrs. Federline' baby-tee and the puffs are replaced by what was described by one witness as a 'frosted permed fantasy.' The male of this subtype lacks hair on the top of it's head, and often is seen wearing a stained white tank top, it has been noted that often the males reek of fermented hops.

Yeti Ghetticus Siestisis is more native to city environments. The males have greasy slicked back hair on their head and often have small moustache appearing hairy growths above their mouth. They too are often seen wearing white tank tops (although not stained), also they can be noted by their gold chains (generally bling free). The females often have curly hair, and are known for their colorful clothing choices (as well as personalities). Often the female can be seen degrading the male around other Gheti, while the male constantly puts on shows of dominance and agression.

Yeti Ghetticus Ramenisis is most often noted in the parts of a city or town known as 'little China.' Whether or not this species orginated in China is not yet known. This species has the least known about it, and is only known through the bony record. Apparently these are often caught and their bones and fur sold in herbal markets as sexual enhancers. As soon as one can be caught we will get you more information.

This has been your Inner City Critter Report.

Our New Puppy

2005-11-07T14:39:00.000-06:00

There is nothing prettier these days than a young boy on a leash, or at least that's what I've realized since 'The Little One', also known as 'The Puppy' came into our lives during our Halloween shenanigans and I immediately wanted to put him on a leash. I have had these notions before, but generally I leave the bondage and total domination to my friends.

I shared these notions with BEGnearly instantaneously. She was also of the mind that he needed to be leashed and was quite trainable. Of course, she did spend a considerable amount of time with him, letting him smack her with a wooden ruler (Metal edge removed of course...we were in public and there was no real need for bloodshed) and letting him oggle her tiny ballerina feet from the comfort of my couch in the wee hours of morning...but that's a whole different story.

'The Puppy' is an adorable, unemployed, twenty-three year old boy with very nice lips who boards in the house across the street from mine. He is totally backwards hat, hippie boy with no direction in life and no real life to speak of.

Right this second, he's a mess, not to mention a nightmare for the couple who owns the house he resides in. He is as mentioned, unemployed having gotten fired from his job like three weeks ago or so and is on the verge of getting thrown out by the people he lives with (I think he has like a week left). He also has a bastard child, a son, he never sees. Although, the kid doesn't really concern us.

He's like a baby, a new toy, still young enough to train properly, put back on the right path and turn into a real boy(Still too young now to be called a man). Now I am not the blue fairy and neither is BEG, but we have some pretty big plans. This boy screams PROJECT like he's standing above the grand canyon and it's now echoing in the emptiness!

And he likes us. Sadly, he says, I am the girl of his dreams. Wonder if he'll still like us when the spankings start and he has to live in a cage like my other dogs...

A puppy cannot be given free roam of the house until he can be trusted of course!

Into the Blue...

2005-10-12T14:59:00.000-05:00

Sorry there is no Jessica Alba (in a parka, through the whole fucking movie, that's why the grosses suck on it!) in this post.

A few days ago in a rage of boredom the likes of which she so often is held in the grips of, IvoryValentine sent me an email full of random images that popped up when she searched for the word "blue" in google. We came up with a word for what she was doing, but I have long since forgotten it. it may have been googling, like oogling but with g.

Alas, she still can't figure out how to post so I thought I would throw up these images, her captions, and captions of my own (oh yes, cos I am this bored right now). Enjoy...

IV: This might be a mop, but really that's just my best guess since the page wouldn't actually open. It still doesn't leave me very settled even in thinking it is a mop.
BEG: I think this looks like either a mop with some sort of bamboo spear handle, or possibly one of those strange sea creatures that washed up on Sri Lanka after Tsunami 2004. Either way, majorly creepifyin'

IV: never like the idea of bad seventies porn and I really don'tlike the idea of it when it's European...they're probably still watching this shit!
BEG: Red, Hot and EWWW. Blue Passion? No, not at all. 70's porn just turns me off, all that hair, come on ladies, SHAVE already!

IV: Originally I thought this was some kind of moderntorture/sexual device or alternately a dolphin...as it turns out, it'sactually some kind of expensive silicone waterproof mitten. It scares me...imagine two by two with hands of blue with these.
BEG: I actually know what this is, it's called the "Orca" and it's a silicone oven mitt.
IV: ..."That's the last time we saw Rob before he hung himself from that very pipe." his uncle said.
BEG: New Chicken Wire for ceiling: $1.59/yard, Wire cutters: $12.99, Yellow and suede gloves: $6.99. Catching someone on film making stinky face before being electrocuted = priceless. He should be wearing the Orca mitts for electrocution protection.

IV: I think this might be a panties, but again the site wouldn't play nice and open. If they are panties, I have to imagine they are notvery comfortable.
BEG: This reminds me of one of those wierd Amish ring game things where you have to figure out how to disconnect the rings from each other, only with the crushed blue velvet it makes me think of Amish strippers using this as a ploy to get lap-dances.

IV: I actually thought this was underwear. As it turns out...it is not.
BEG: I think it's a boxing thing, but I like the idea of it being wierd blue snakeskin Sumo Wrestler undies.

IV: This probably doesn't bother you, but I just don't even have the words.
BEG: If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't of spent that year in college. ::gesturing wildly like Lewis Black::

IV: This is a faux cunning hat...just sad.
BEG: Lame, the hat they call Lame!!!

**All of these photos were used without permission, but we aren't making money off of them or ridiculing the photographers, so I don't see why anyone would care. Does anyone even look at this site or read it anyways? I think not. So Simma Down Now!

We Are Too Pretty to Die...

2005-10-05T00:02:00.000-05:00

We got ourselves all gussied up so if anything the prettiness of Summer Glau will distract you from our nonsense. If you really want to be distracted by her beauty (and see her with a big axe in a little dress) go out and see Serenity, we guarantee you will not hate it, you'll probably actually like it, a lot.

A big Thank You goes out to KinkyPoe and her pretty awesome Photoshop skills. We are too scatter brained to actually create our own template so we got her to help out. Her blog is pretty too (thus is why we asked for her help) and has a large readership (unlike us). You should go check it out, it's under our links.

Hopefully we will be able to get to the stuff of this blog soon. Until then just stare at Summer, cos she's so very pretty.

Swearing by our pretty floral bonnets, that we will end you if you don't stop by from time to time...

Adorably Evil...

2005-09-12T15:35:00.000-05:00

We can't kill you with our brains, yet. We are still working on it. Just like we are still working on making this Blog pretty and full of interesting rants about Stephen Hawking giving Stephen King rides on his motorized scooter, and praying to Joe Pesci (line up for your summer sausage please). Why will we talk about these things? Because no matter what sort of crazy shit we say, we are still more normal than people who feel the need to fulfill their lives and get their 15 minutes of fame on 'Reality' TV shows. Although one of us did debate trying out for the Real World just to make a better name for her hometown after some fucking mormon made us all look like goddamned hill people. Which we are not. But we love Hill People. The existence of Hill People in the greater Milwaukee area has not yet been verified, if you can verify this please comment immediately. BlackEyedGurl lives in Wausau, where it's all about the Hill People so if you have proof that some of them are not Hill People comment about that too. maybe we should just dedicate this blog to Hill People, no, that would just be wierd.

BlackEyedGurl - Saying If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak!!!